Tag Archives: Men

Weekly Dating Dope

Whatever reason a man provides for the demise of his marriage is likely to be far from the truth. No man on earth would dare confess that the reason his wife divorced him is because he left the toilet seat up.

Weekly Dating Dope

There’s no such thing as a “No Strings Attached” (NSA) relationship.  The minute pants, socks and shirts hit the floor, strings become attached, so don’t kid yourself.  Someone trying to convince you it’s okay to “f— and run” wants the benefits of the relationship without the work and effort.

Best to move on and continue flying solo until you find someone who values you enough to stay for the cigarette and pillow talk.

Beware Of Smart Guys

Intelligence is like a lethal weapon on the dating scene. A man with brains never has trouble getting laid.

I Suspect Bin Laden Used Match.com

I’m believe that Bin Laden may have had infiltrated the Manhattan online dating scene and I’ve dated him at some point.

According to journalists given access to Bin Ladin’s compound in Pakistan and his “secret documents,” he took Viagra, dyed his hair with Just for Men and bragged to other terrorists about all his wives (i.e., women he f—.).

It’s odd that someone in hiding would be worried about a few gray hairs. Stranger still is that he resembles guys I’ve dated.  And, it would be just my luck to find out a former beau is on a government watch list.

 

Me & My Lab Results: Perfect!

“You have text book perfect cholesterol!” my doctor proudly announced at my appointment on Tuesday.

I could have told him that.  I’ve been wowing doctors with my lab work for years.  I could live off bologna and crème puffs and maintain perfect LDL, HDL and triglyceride.  I’m that good.

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New Dating Policy

I was just about to put on my lipstick and leave the office when my date called last night and cancelled.  It was 15 minutes before we were to meet and after a week of endless e-mails discussing time and place.  He offered no excuse.

Canceling a date with a pre-menopausal single mom on her one free week night is risky. At the last minute, outright dangerous.  Fortunately for the guy they don’t allow weapons at the office.

This is not the first time it happened to me and I doubt the last, which is why there needs to be a dating law similar to the policy therapists have about appointments.  If you don’t cancel at least 24 hours in advance, you’re required to pay.  That will teach ’em.

Try Solving This John Walsh

I would like John Walsh, with all his insight on abnormal behavior and finding missing people, to try and explain this:

I’ll have an amazing, over-the-top first date with someone. So much so, my newly suggested boyfriend blurts out with intense enthusiasm “Wow, I can’t believe someone like you is single!” And then proceeds to invite me to his weekend home or make summer vacation plans for the two of us.

Feeling euphoric, we proceed to a second date. Then, somewhere between that flurry of calls to schedule the first date and the second date make out session, the guy vanishes into the Witness Protection Program. Gone. Never to be heard from again.

Then, months later, when all is forgotten, I get a LinkedIn or Facebook message. Some send iChat requests or, even stranger, call. One fellow sent me an e-mail wishing me happy birthday two consecutive years and we never even kissed!

And one wonders why I’m still single.