“I don’t know why she doesn’t leave him!” I heard many of women snap whenever the Anthony Weiner’s sexting scandal came up in conversation.
This “holier than thou” attitude toward Huma Abedin often sprouted from the mouths of women I consider smart, sophisticated go-getters, yet were one time or another involved with questionable characters themselves. I’m talking about women who were with players, hustlers and drunks, or who allowed themselves to be humiliated by their significant other’s behavior because they insisted “we have a great connection.” One would assume these ladies, upon noting the common thread, be oozing with sympathy when it’s the exact opposite. They’re often even more critical of the Huma’s of the world.
When people hear I’m a single mom, curiosity often gets the best of them and I’m immediately bombarded with questions about my daughter’s baby daddy. I’ve been through the drill so many times I can recite the questions by heart. It goes something like this:
Acquaintance: “Is your daughter’s father still around?”
Me: “Yes, he lives across town.”
Acquaintance, assuming that all baby daddies fall off the grid: “Does he still take her?”
Me: “Yes, but it’s complicated.”
Acquaintance: “But does HE take her?”
Me: “Yea, but….”
Acquaintance: “No!” shaking their head, “All that matters is that he’s still involved!”
Note: This piece was originally published on the Good Men Project
Dear Divorced Dad,
Of the many women you’ll encounter after you reenter the dating world, chances are it will be someone like myself, the single mom, to whom you’ll feel the strongest pull. My situation will strike as familiar. There’s the added bonus that I bring to the relationship a little girl who will absolutely adore you. For this reason alone you need to be honest about your real intentions. Is it romance or an attempt to recapture the family and all that you lost in your divorce?
As I stood in my daughter’s father’s country house listening to him make small talk with my beau Lawrence, I was speechless. Where is the man prone to angry outbursts and hurling insults?
On March 6, 2005, a nervous wreck, I fled an abusive relationship with a sick 11-month in tow. The next decade, fueled by Jose’s rage and my daughter’s rare medical condition that kept me stuck in a revolving door of tests and doctor appointments, was hell.
The most lethal person on the dating scene is the newly-separated, soon-to-be divorced man. He’s a whirl of confusion, and packed with more issues, mamma baby drama and emotional baggage than Third Class steerage on the Titanic. And fresh out of family court, he’s also broke. Unless you enjoy hearing stories about the “be-otch” ex-wife, better to avoid this one.