With so many players on the dating scene, trying to separate the good guys from the bad can be confusing. And, while you certainly don’t want to peg every potential date as a liar, you also don’t want to be so gullible that you get played.
For this reason, coupled with my own disastrous dating history, I was intrigued with Victoria Levine’s book Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing. To help women cut through the patterns of manipulation players use in dating and life, Victoria has broken them down into 18 types.
Following is a Q&A, where Victoria explains the different types, as well as her reasons for writing the book. Copies can be purchased online via the following link: http://www.getdatinginsight.com/book
You have a very rich and interesting background — poet, artist, mother. So, why at this point in your life, did you decide to write a book, and more so a book about players?
At this time in my life I embrace how precious every moment is and how important it is for quality situations and people to be a part of our lives. This is different for everyone. If people would be honest about what they want or what it is they are looking for, life and dating would be much easier. There are many people out there who manipulate because they have hidden agendas. I have chosen to help others see through these manipulation patterns of deception by identifying 18 player types and their patterns of behavior.
In the book you list the qualities of 18 different player types. Is it possible for someone not to fall into one category, but be a composite of several different types?
A player may have more than one type within him, usually they are a mix of 3 to 5 player types, but most of the time one of these 18 player types stand out.
Regardless of type, what is the main thing all players have in common? And is there one type that especially needs to be avoided?
All players use skillful manipulation to achieve their desired result. Players seek to control your behavior by maneuvering and blanketing you in a masquerade of deception. Metaphorically speaking, players are like puppet masters pulling your strings and guiding you with cunning intelligence, pushing you into whatever roll they want you to play. Players plan out their every move and will use whatever they feel is their strongest asset to lure you in. It could be anything from having a lot of money, a nice car, a beautiful home, being attractive, having a great smile, or having a great body. Whatever they think will peak your interest.
#12 Despiser player should be avoided completely. Underneath it all he is repulsed by women from a past hurt from a woman or something that he chooses to blame on a woman and he will take his anger out on you. He needs therapy.
You talk about the player with integrity, which almost seems like a contradiction. Can explain this?
You will, on occasion, meet a player with integrity. These types of men are completely honest about where they are coming from; they just want sex and are up front about it. I put this kind of man into the non-relationship or non-committal category. They do not believe in committed relationships. They may see you and spend time with you, but believe that people cannot get all that they need from one relationship. You could end up having a beautiful connection with this type of man, but your relationship will always be open. These men will spend time with many women during their life as they are free spirits who do not want a commitment, just experiences. They will always appreciate and respect you; therefore, is not a player in the true sense of the word. Players deceive and lie to make women believe you have a real connection or an exclusive relationship with them while only desiring sex.
What came through in your book is your loving and gentle approach in advising women. You’re quick to acknowledge that at different stages of our lives, we have different relationship needs. In closing, what is the best piece of dating and relationship advice can you offer?
We are all different and what works for one woman does not mean it will work for you. In dating and in life you must do what is best for you and not for your friends or for society or for religious dogma. Do not let what others do brainwash you into thinking you have to be in the mainstream. You are an individual and you know what is best for you. Always remember the answers are inside of you.