Category Archives: Rants & Ramblings
I could only think, “Why is he telling me this? Has he no shame?”
I was at a birthday party this past weekend when a complete stranger, after an hour or two of meeting, ousted himself to me as an adulteress.
We were sitting at a table, making small chit chat and discussing said person’s retirement plans, when the conversation did this weird twist and hopped from the toll his career played on his marriage to him sharing that he had been unfaithful to his wife.
The relationship went down in a blizzard of “f-you!” texts and my ultimately blocking him on my phone. Now, two years later, in the lobby of the building that houses my therapist’s office, there he was.
“Hey! You gonna walk by and not say hello?” he demanded.
I was hoping to slink by unnoticed, but Frank caught me in a hug and kiss.
Frank was the impetus for my getting my ass to AA. Spinless when we dated, I allowed myself to fall into a vortex of excessive eating and drinking. By the end, I was a fat, sloppy mess and couldn’t stand myself.
It was a year ago this month that I stopped drinking. I’m often asked why I quit or if I miss it.
Many assume there was one big bang moment that caused my life to swing out of control and made me realize either the bottle goes or I. There is some scandalous story of waking up after a night of binge drinking and finding myself crammed into a Riker’s Island cell or passing out in subway car. AA meetings are chock full of I-can-top-that stories, but they’re not mine.
Here’s the ugly truth about New Yorkers that may be difficult for someone living in rural Iowa to comprehend: as exciting, glamorous as our city may seem, most New Yorkers rarely go to Broadway shows, galleries and museums. The paradox of living in a hot tourist destination is you find yourself constantly maneuvering your schedule so to avoid the people, places and things that initially brought you here.
In a bold move, I recently turned down a date with a seemingly nice guy.
As a professional people pleaser, asserting myself, drawing boundaries and pushing back are skills I’ve never acquired. The result has been a lifetime of limping through bad dates and so-so relationships because I either ignored the red flags that screamed “unavailable” and “problems,” or simply couldn’t say, “No.”
At this stage in my dating career, I thought I had heard every plausible, lame excuse for ending a relationship.
“I don’t see this as working.”
Yup, heard it. Many times, in fact.
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
Standard line, but I appreciate the intent to be kind and gentle.
“I need to focus on my career.”
In today’s economy who doesn’t?
But recently someone superseded the ridiculous and unloaded the granddaddy of reasons for a breakup: “You watch Oprah.”