For the past 15 years, Aussie Life and Confidence Coach, Lisa Phillips, has been helping her clients release old patterns so they can do that and much more. Trained in Confidence and Life Coaching, Counseling and Neuro Linguistic Program, she uses a holistic approach to help individuals and organizations make effortless transformation in lives.
She is regularly featured on TV, radio and print Down Under, as well as writes a column for a UK paper. Her book, The Confidence Coach, is an excellent read for anyone needing an ego boost.
In today’s “Take Five,” Lisa shares her impetus for becoming a Confidence Coach, while giving some pointers on how one can take control of their life.
I had never heard of a Confidence Coach, so was curious what led you to become one?
My own lack of confidence! I had struggled with confidence from an early age and as a result, I had been bulled at school, in the workplace and also spent 5 years in an abusive relationship. As a result of this, I knew if things were going to change in the future that I needed to take responsibility myself and do something about it. To be honest, I was sick of being walked all over and knew it was time to start to value myself more, and like myself more.
People often have trouble asserting themselves out of fear they’ll appear aggressive. Can you explain the difference?
To me, real confidence is feeling quietly confident on the inside. It is not about being aggressive and always getting your own way, nor is it about always being an extrovert with a loud voice! Assertiveness is more about looking after your own needs, asking for what you want and not worrying so much about what people will think – even when you do speak up.
Women in particular have a hard time saying no. How do you recommend people get over the “disease to please”?
It’s so common to be a people pleaser and one of the key reasons I see for this is people trying too hard to keep everyone happy, instead of themselves happy. Saying no can often come with a lot of fear as well, the fear of what people will think, the fear of rejection or the fear that we won’t be liked anymore. The best way is to soothe and encourage yourself into saying no and remind yourself that it is ok to please yourself. It can take a little time and you will feel uncomfortable at first but in time, it becomes much easier to give up the need to please everyone around you. Reminding yourself that some people are just not pleasable also helps!
The desire to be heard and understood is natural. What are tips on how to be a fabulous communicator?
It’s all about feeling safe and secure on the inside. If you value, respect and like yourself, clear and assertive communication becomes easier. Also, it’s important to care more about how you feel. When you care about your own feelings and emotions, it becomes easier to find your voice and speak up. It’s useful to remind yourself that you have the right to be heard and speak your truth – even if people don’t approve!
Finally, what are some simple things people can do to raise their self-esteem?
Stop beating yourself up! We are our own worst enemies. The key is to build confidence and self esteem from the inside out – not look for external things to make us feel better Confidence is like a muscle so take simple steps each day such as:f
1) Having compassion with yourself
2) Using kind and encouraging words that build you up and release resistance from your body and mind
3) Praise yourself more often