I marched into motherhood with the same rabid determination I approached everything – my career, school, love. That little pink line on the EPT ignited all my neurotic tendencies and I immediately began stockpiling parenting books with the fervor David Koresh ammunition.
A whirlwind tour through Pediatric Intensive Care, followed by the diagnosis of a rare endocrine disorder, and I decided to toss my library. I was no longer concern with the virtues of co-sleeping or the benefits of breastfeeding. I also realized the books were repetitive and there is a lot the experts don’t tell you. Here are some of my personal insights, not to be found in any book or article:
- Your child doesn’t care if the food is organic. Seriously.
- A child can do with a tube of toothpaste what Jackson Pollack did with paint. You’ll find splotches and blobs of green paste everywhere but on the brush.
- Children don’t follow the logic that if “I like sweet potato fries, then I’ll like sweet potatoes.”
- The big birthday party for small children is a waste. Save the money for the tutor you’ll need in middle school.
- Just like the freshman 15, there’s the parent 20 that comes from picking French fries and bites of mac and cheese off your kid’s plate.
- Your bank account may never reach a safe and appropriate number again.
- It will take years of training before your child understands that little thing protruding from the wall is a hook and something goes on it. It’s called a coat.
To be continued…..