Lessons From A Life Under Construction

When I received the editor’s note complimenting my writing, but suggesting I consider reworking the piece so there’s a lesson for readers, I groaned. Deep down I knew she was right, though personally had abandoned the quest for aha moments years ago, just around the time I discovered my therapist had an eating disorder.

Still, being called out as a having a “Sex In The City” writing style, which I take is code for vacuous, feels like a ding. I’d like to believe I’m deeper than appear and all those help self-help books and workshops at the Omega Institute took hold. As proof, I impart some of the invaluable lessons I’ve learned in my travels through work, motherhood and life in general:

  • Never make playdates a threesome. There will always be an odd man out and most likely it will be your kid. Similarly, playdates are best when the visiting child’s parent drops off and leaves.
  • The big, splashy birthday party is a waste of money and a guaranteed headache. Severing a DiGiorino frozen pizza with store-bought cupcakes is just as effective.
  • No one wakes up in the morning thinking, “Today is a great day to go to the gym.”
  • If unsure about whether to serve red or white, serve champagne. You can’t go wrong.
  • It’s impossible to bike across the Brooklyn Bridge and not kill someone.
  • Your life, mundane and boring as it may seem, is a great source of entertainment to someone, and most likely that person is your doorman. Tread cautiously.
  • You’re allowed to have cold pizza for breakfast as long as no one is looking.
  • When someone goes in for the attack, counterattack with flattery, as in: “You should really consider wearing lavender more often.”
  • Inside every New York cab driver is a brilliant engineer or doctor who can’t get licensed in the U.S.
  • Never take a beau’s decorating advice unless the goal is the cheap and tacky look.
  • Outside of the Sudan, some of the world’s thinnest people live on the Upper East Side.
  • People underestimate the value of a hand knitted item, so knit with the cheap stuff. They’ll lose it in six months anyway.

 

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