Never Blame The Mother For A Picky Eater

I’ve tried all the familiar tactics to break my daughter of her pasta and pizza habit, from putting food on the plate and insisting she “just try” to denying dessert.  In weak moments, I’ve pathetically resorted to screaming and guilt tripping, stopping short of offering cash.

None of it works.

Kids and terrorists, I’ve concluded, are really no different.  There are Guantanamo Bay prisoners, who after one whack to the head would rat out their mother.  Others could be hanged over a pit of alligators and they would never ‘fess up they spent their college years in a terrorist training camp.  Similarly, extreme torture – no TV – couldn’t get Savannah to eat ONE green bean.

At this point, the issue isn’t Savannah but the moms channeling Joan-of-Arc, who make Savannah’s dietary habits a personal crusade.

“My child is a great eater,” they’ll boast.


They’ll then plow forward all knowingly:  “Every night just put a few vegetables on her plate.  She’ll eventually eat a few.”

To which I want to reply: “Do you know how Bobby Sands, the IRA prisoner, died?”

Savannah, and the Belfast native who died of a hunger strike, I’m convinced share the same DNA.  And, if not for her overriding medical issue, and Children Protection Services, I’d probably match her stubbornness.

So, to the smug parents who want to take credit for their kid’s healthy habits, I I share this:

For nine months I ate nothing but the purest, freshest fruits and vegetables – think Gwyneth Paltrow’s diet but with protein and dairy – and my kid craves Dunkin Donuts.  My girlfriend adopted a child from in a town in Guatemala with no fresh water, and the kid was eating salad and radishes at 6 months.

Repeat: Radishes.

Now, you tell me what kid is normal.

9 responses to “Never Blame The Mother For A Picky Eater

  1. I love pizza. I eat it constantly. Without pizza in the world and other fine Italian foods there would be no happiness. Pizza is the staple of life. But kids need their vegetables.


  2. Love your witty insights!


  3. LOL! So true. My kids are good eaters compared to some other kids, but if I compare them to one another, only ONE is truly a good eater 😉 I’ve found it does improve as they get older, at least.
    I read somewhere that one could blame the fathers…I forget where I read it, but I’m just sure it’s true!


  4. emma wouldnt eat beans…not even jelly beans… we picked out battles and discreetly pureed all green beans into the main the main dish.. 🙂


  5. Try starving your child one or two days and they will start to eat almost anything which you put on the plate.


  6. You may be right about the medical condition which maybe needs food on a daily basis plus medication. However, fasting is a way to purge the body of toxins and our ancestors sometimes went for days without eating with no bad effects. It seems logical to me that if her blood sugar is too high then not eating at all would lower the blood sugar and not raise it. Consult your doctor and he may be better able to advise your. Best wishes. Uldis


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