As a battle fatigued warrior of the online dating world, I wish Match.com would become more Yelp-like and install a rating system so women could weigh-in on the pros and cons of each man profiled. It would keep the riff-raff at bay and limit the number of dating disasters, namely mine.
Foodies can be especially lethal with their Yelp reviews, attacking everything from the chef’s hollandaise sauce to the wine, so God knows what a disgruntled single woman, secure behind the safety of her computer screen, might unleash in a post after a bad date. But, given the opportunity, here is what I would say about some of my past dates:
- “Here lies yet another man looking for an e-relationship. After endless back and forth, he could never meet or have a real live conversation. Hmmm….”
- “He tried to use his $150 a week child support payments as an excuse for wanting to spilt the bill. The kid is smart and good looking, so what makes him think it’s his?”
- “If college admission boards focused a little more on personality and less on SATs scores, he’d be holding a diploma from Rockland County Community College, not the almighty Penn.”
- “His little hand problem made me feel like I was on a date with an octopus.”
- “He’s an ex-cop from Staten Island. Need I say more?”
- “You’d think he was training for Oktoberfest. He drank six beers in under an hour. Where is Bill W. when you need him?”
- “Last night I had a deep conversation at the bar with a bald spot. When did 5’6 become the new 5’10?”
Note to the suits at Match.com: If you can’t “Yelp” us ladies out, at least install a Facebook “like” and “dislike” button.