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Imagine what the world would be like if therapists adopted a payment plan similar to health clubs. Patients could pay one low monthly fee and have unlimited visits. I’d be the first to sign up.
An online dating site can push a single, hormone raging mom only so far before she strikes back. So, it’s with this here blog that I’m making it official and declaring Jihad on Ok Cupid.
Several friends insisted that Ok Cupid was far superior to those “other sites,” which shall remain nameless, and “loaded with great guys.” Fact is six months on the site and I’ve yet to land a single date, but have wasted endless hours swapping e-mails with men who for myriad reasons, whether it be emotional, physical or financial, can’t meet or won’t meet. I have yet to cross paths with the cute, adorable guys I see in their ads, and instead have met the following:
- Special Needs Man: Several e-mails into an exchange with Stan I discovered that he was deaf, but only learned so after he bragged about a book he wrote, which prompted a quick Google search.
- Special Needs Man 2#: Charlie was delighted I responded to his e-mail. “You made my day,” he wrote. No wonder. On closer inspection I saw the walker in his photos.
- Facebook Man: It took all my might to get Bob, a video producer, to step away from the screen and have a real, live phone conversation. Could it be he was afraid his girlfriend would over hear the conversation? His Facebook status reads: “In a relationship.” He is still e-mailing me trying to keep the conversation alive.
- Dangerous Man: An hour into the conversation, Curtis, a pompous physician’s assistant, let it slip that he and his ex have restraining orders against each other. Ops!
- The Music Man – Things hit a sour note between Dan, a musician / music teacher, and myself when I discovered after several conversations he lived in his parents’ basement and had only one student.
- The Jailbird: Paul, a tall engineer in CT, seem normal enough, except that he thought it was “cute” to write his personal ad as if he was in prison. The ad was complete with a picture of him behind bars. Also, another one looking for an e-mail buddy.
- The Marlborough Man – “Oh, I should tell you that I smoke, though I don’t intend to be that way my entire life,” was the way David put it. It was only after many e-mails and two phone conversations that he coughed up the truth: he’s been smoking a pack a day for years.
I persist because I’m a hopeless romantic and I like to believe that somewhere in that rubble is a gainfully employed, socially apt guy. If he’s over 5’9, no past convictions and has his own place, better yet.
After a lifetime of relationship failures, my next and only career move should be dating coach. After all, those who can’t, consult.