“I know my people,” my girlfriend Liz boasted. “Jewish guys love blonds.”
So, with her and other friends’ blessing, I jumped the shark and placed an ad on Jdate. Admittedly, ballsy. But three weeks later there I was at an Upper East Side Italian eatery with Josh, a tall, successful, 55-year-old Manhattan business man feeling every bit like Cinderella after a lifetime of dating from the bottom of the barrel.
Josh could best be summed up as hot nerd. Looks-wise, he was adorable in basic New York black and thick funky glasses. What made my head spin, though, was his ad, which was laced with lines like “old fashioned values,” and “mutual fidelity,” coupled with pictures of him with sick children holding teddy bears. He was the male version of me, but better – he founded a children’s charity.
Pre-date a quick Google search confirmed suspicion: Josh was indeed “The Perfect Man.” Splattered all over the ‘net were pictures of him at various charity events with his teddy bears. Another person would have overlooked the bears’ significance. But, me, the single mom with the sickly child, became fixated on those damn bears, and so began the cycle of emotions.
I quickly went from admiration to obsession to sheer panic. All I could think of were those bears. But, more so, what happens if this guy, who is so committed to saving Israel, finds out that I’m goy? I had visions of Perfect Man storming out of the restaurant and sticking me with the bill. Or, worst, suing JDate and I end up on the front page of the York Post. “Shiska Lies In JDate Profile In A Desperate Attempt To Snag Manhattan Millionaire.”
Fearful of being discovered, ten minutes into the date I blurted: “You know, I went to an all girls’ Catholic boarding school?” That will scare the hell out him, I thought. But Perfect Man did flinch. So I pressed my luck further and shared the gruesome details of my daughter’s medical condition. I expected him to bolt, but instead his response: “I’m not intimated by that,” at which point I thought I’d kneel over. Only a Perfect Man would say that, I thought.
To be continued….